The Arizona Chronicles, Vol. 4, Day 1: Kidnapped

The stories you are about to read are true. . .well, mostly.  Not that I’d lie to you.  A lot of the stuff did happen and some of the others might not have happened, but are in there due to artistic license to give you a better story.  But I don’t want you to confuse the things that did happen with the things that did not happen.  So if you find yourself scratching your head and wondering which is which, just take a deep breath, relax, and remember it’s just a story. . .except for the parts that aren’t.

Arizona.  For some it conjures up pictures of sand and cacti.  For others, an escape from winter weather.  For me, Arizona always fills me with a certain sense of trepidation.  For those of you new to this blog, I refer you to the previous three volumes of these tales which I call The Arizona Chronicles to help you better understand the anxiety I feel whenever I visit this state.

Several years ago, through an unfortunate series of events, I had the dubious distinction of meeting Arizona Mat, an “explorer” whose fame may not be great, but his ego certainly is.  I also met Tall Square, his refrigerator shaped sidekick.  And by sidekick, I mean arch-nemesis as the two of them were constantly at each other’s throats.  Since I’ve met these two I’ve traveled to the top of Mount San Jacinto, helped track down a killer bent on Arizona Mat’s demise, and discovered the legendary Voodoo Blue (Woo woo!).  Oh, great!  Now I’m doing it.

Needless to say, whenever business brings me to Arizona, I always get a bit leery because, one way or another, Arizona Mat ALWAYS seems to find me and drag me into another series of misadventures.  A year or so ago, I wrote a hit movie for the SyFy Network called Giraffealanche.  The movie did so well that SyFy wanted me to write a sequel.  I decided to join forces with a writer named David Sindelar who had written another SyFy Original, Armadillogeddon.  We had written a crossover sequel for both of our franchises, Giraffealanche vs Armadillogeddon, and I was heading to Phoenix to iron out the last details of the contract.

I was certain that there was no way on Earth than Arizona Mat would find me this time around as I was traveling on Delta Airlines.  SyFy was kind enough to pick up the tab for the flight and they were flying me down first class.

First class is the only way to travel.  The perks began when I got to the airport as I had a dedicated line to check my luggage and I was able to check up to 3 bags for free.  I also got to board the plane before anyone else and a found a pillow, blanket, and bottle of water waiting on a slightly larger than normal seat and I got two armrests.

As I made myself comfortable, the flight attendant asked if I’d like a beverage and I ordered a Bailey’s Irish Cream.  I sipped my drink as I mused on how wonderful it would be to travel like this all the time.  Even better, my flight was able to leave early and we must have had a powerful tailwind as the pilot announced that nearly 30 minutes would be cut from our flight.  Not bad at all.

At 10,000 feet, I pulled out my trusty laptop and began watching my favorite comedy, City Slickers, though I wasn’t able to finish the film due to my battery going low.  I swapped out my film for my Kindle and started reading another adventure of the obsessive-compulsive detective, Adrian Monk.  During snack service, I was offered a better variety of snacks and had a small bag of Lay’s Kettle Cooked Potato Chips and a sea salt caramel.  I also enjoyed a Coke which was served to me in a real glass.  The friendly attendant offered to continue topping off my glass and I thought, “A guy could really get used to this.”

I had a 90 minute layover in Salt Lake City and had hoped for a glimpse of the Mormon Temple, but no dice on that one.  It was well past my normal dinner hour, but I was strangely not hungry.  I decided I should have something and grabbed a sandwich from McDonald’s as I waited for the next leg of my flight.

This leg was even better than the first as I enjoyed a double wide seat.  I requested a Blue Moon and was stunned when the attendant let me have the whole can.  Viva la me!  The only downside was that I knew I wouldn’t be able to linger over the drink as they would be collected before takeoff.  Once airborne, I ordered a Sprite, had another small bag of chips, and continued reading.  Again, we were able to leave early, and cut another 20 minutes off the flight.

The last perk I received for first class is that my luggage was given Sky Priority which meant my bags would be in the first group off the plane.  In less than 10 minutes, I had my luggage and was ready to get a cab to my hotel.

I stepped outside into the hot desert night and thought that life was good.  As I scanned the road in search of a taxi, I suddenly felt a sharp sting at the base of my neck.  I clapped my hand to my neck as my vision began to swim before my eyes.  Then everything went black.

To Be Continued. . .

A Journey Beyond Imagination, Day 5: Duel with a Tyrant

On our fifth day in Tokyo, we would be enjoying a free day. Now the one regret I had about the entire trip was that I was unable to climb Mt Fuji with Mat and Dave. We are discussing possibly returning to Japan within the next few years so all three of us can climb it, but I’m getting away from the thread of this tale.

I had planned to spend the day climbing Mt Takao, but when my eyes fluttered open that day, I heard the unmistakable sound of rain pounding at the window. Being an island nation, Japan is a lot like living on the coasts in that it rains often and unexpectedly. In fact, it rains so much that umbrellas are available, cheap, in every local shop. I got a call from Yukie saying that the mountain climb was canceled due to the weather, so he refunded my money for that excursion and I joined Mat and Dave on their explorations for the day.

We made a quick stop at Family Mart to pick up some breakfast and then we were on our way. Mat wanted to take us to a cosplay exhibition called “From Cloth to You”. As we were walking to the exhibit, the rain began to pour buckets on us. I was getting drenched, so I ducked into a local store and picked up an umbrella for 400 yen.

Soon we arrived at our destination. It was an old, seemingly abandoned building. The rooms had a dank, basement feel and left an interesting aura for the event. The paintings were rather good and had a wide variety of flavor. Some were typical anime fare. Others had a horror theme. Still others a surreal feel. We spent nearly two hours admiring the artwork and from there, Mat led us to a place to which he had truly been looking forward.

Shortly before our trip, it was announced that a mall in Tokyo was going to be opening a special theme restaurant for one year. It was called the Biohazard Café and Biohazard is what Resident Evil is known as in Japan. I still remember the message Mat sent me with the link to the article. He said, “If you think this isn’t on the agenda, think again!”

I was very impressed with the detail that went into the eatery. Newspapers articles were hanging on the walls discussing the strange murders and disappearances going on in Raccoon City. There was also a special exhibit of S.T.A.R.S. (the special police force in the game) items. The restaurant was all you could eat in the style of a Brazilian steakhouse. What that means is that servers bring cuts of meat to your table until you tell them to stop. For sides, there was some type of bread that was quite delectable and “Healing Herbs” salad. Mat and Dave each enjoyed a Code: Veronica (mint julep) while I satisfied my thirst with water. It was a very pleasant meal and I was especially impressed with the lamb. What I found most interesting was the fact that it cost more for men to eat at this place than it did for women. This is because men can typically eat more than women.

The centerpiece of the restaurant was a life sized replica of the Tyrant (the main monster from the first Resident Evil game). At 9 feet tall, heavily muscled, and a right hand that had razor sharp claws, this beast was truly a force to be reckoned with in the game. When we were nearly finished with our meal, the servers began putting on a little dance show for the patrons. In the midst of the show, alarms started going off and the servers began protecting the customers. The Tyrant had come to life and was threatening to annihilate everything and everyone in its path. The servers bravely fired on the creature, but to no avail.

Time for the reinforcements.

Bravely, I dove into battle and picked up a fallen gun that had the kickback of a feral mule. Taking careful aim, I aimed for the Tyrant’s external heart and took it out in one, clean shot. Victory!!! I was covered in smooches by the grateful waitresses and lauded by the clientele.

Seriously, one of the servers did pull me into the fray and she handed me a gun so I could deliver the killing shot to the Tyrant. My prize was a badge certifying me as an honorary S.T.A.R.S. member that I still have today.

After lunch, Mat wanted to take us to a place called Namja Town in Sun City so we could try some of their ice milk. Now here’s where things got funny. Mat was using a GPS system to help guide us through Tokyo and it seemed to work very well. The only place his GPS didn’t seem to work was in Ikebukuro. In that region, that device sent us all over the map and always to the wrong destination. So we walked. . .and walked. . .and walked.

As we continued trying to get to Sun City, I managed to finally find a vending machine that had Mountain Dew to Dave’s joyous glee. Vending machines are very prevalent in Japan. They can be found on every street corner and contain everything from soda to sushi. Japan seems to be partial to Coke so Dave had to make do without his beloved beverage of choice. When I pointed out the vending machine, our lovable Dew junkie practically danced in the street and I half expected him to bow in homage to the machine. He immediately bought 3 cans of the stuff and these were tallboy cans, so each was about the equivalent of two normal cans. As the machine wasn’t far from our hotel, Dave raided it a few more times before our trip ended.

After 90+ minutes of walking, we finally found Sun City and enjoyed some of the famed ice milk which wasn’t too bad. From there, we headed back to our hotel, only making a brief stop to pick up some burgers for supper. After all the running around of the past few days, I was ready to take it easy. I took a long, hot bath, watched a movie on my laptop, and went to bed.

The next day our tour group would be heading to Odaiba.