If I were to retire from theatre today, I could look back on my career with a certain degree of satisfaction. Not only do I have nearly 30 shows to my credit, but I’ve been fortunate enough to work with some of the best directors in the city, have worked in every major theatre in the city, have been a part of shows that have been listed as Omaha’s finest, enjoyed some great roles, and have even garnered some critical praise from the public and my theatre brethren.
And no, for those who may be wondering, I’m not planning on hanging things up just yet. I’m still very much a work in progress and I still marvel at just how much my thinking has changed over the past few years. For the longest time, I felt like I had something to prove each and every time I auditioned. And then I finally proved it to myself, which is what I was really trying to do the whole time. Now I just have something to show and let the chips fall where they may after that. A big part of showing that something is to not be afraid to dive off the cliff. That’s the lesson I recently learned.
In part I, I mentioned that I was prepping for an audition for one of my big 3 shows. Then something came along the way that interrupted that preparation. I read the script for Bad Jews which will be performed at the Blue Barn this spring and I found it to be one of the strongest scripts that I had read in quite a while. I really wanted to read for this show, even though I was a good decade older than the oldest character in the show. That hurdle was actually the least of my problems as I was also going to be out of town for both days of the audition. What to do? What to do?
I ended up talking the matter over with Randall Stevens, the Blue Barn’s new associate artistic director, and he allowed me the opportunity to come in and read early. I saw this as a very positive sign so I prepared diligently. I was also lucky enough to be able to work with Kaitlyn McClincy and Noah Diaz at my read which gave me some strong performers to play with.
My reads were OK. I know they could have been better. One telling direction that Randall gave to Kaitlyn and myself was to be flinging knives at each other as we argued. Ten minutes after I left the audition, I knew what I should have done. That’s why I know the reads could have been better. If you audition right, you leave the audition with the feeling that you could have done no better. Whether you get cast or not is irrelevant, it’s simply the knowledge that you left everything on stage. And I did not do that.
Recently, Susan Clement posted a wonderful quotation from John Cleese that said, “Nothing will stop you from being creative so effectively as the fear of making a mistake.” That’s exactly what happened to me. Not only did this happen at this audition, but it also happened in my previous audition, detailed in Part I. I went out to try to prove something instead of trying to show something. Because of that, I held back because I didn’t want to muck up my chances. I compare it to running towards the end of a cliff and, instead of diving off to see if I’d soar or crash, I put the brakes on at the very edge of the cliff and said, “Lovely view”.
As I thought of that metaphor, I began to reflect on my past work and auditions. I realized that my absolute best work came when I went out and just did it. When I went out and tried to prove a point, that’s when I’d usually trip and fall. Mind you, going out and just doing it didn’t mean I always got cast or even the role I wanted. But it did mean I always left the theatre feeling satisfied and that’s the feeling I plan to have from here on out.
I’ve also got to be honest and admit that I might not have been cast in Bad Jews even if my audition had been of a Tony Award winning caliber. I had my photo taken not too long after the audition and, son of a gun, my hair is really silver. If I’d been directing and saw me audition, I would have thought I looked too old for the part from the start. So I’ve also got to keep those little realities in my mind when selecting roles from here on out.
So now I’m back on track to audition for one of my big 3. I’ve learned the lesson to always dive off the cliff and I’ve also learned to be aware of my look. The latter will play a big role in that audition as I may have to admit that the role I really want may now be past my age range. I’ll still keep the hope that there’s a chance I can land it, but I’m also preparing for an equally good character that may now be within my age range.
Until the next time. . .